kids · parenting

The absent Parent

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I don’t know about you, but I had this perfect plan in what concerns having a family and raising my kids.

I am a perfectionist by nature and when it came to start a family the ideal went on.

After a year of marriage I realised I hadn’t really made the right choice. But I had a baby in my arms and I was going to do everything in my power to make it work. My husband was a very committed father and that made me very happy.

For about 10 years there were plenty of downs and the ups were rarer and rarer. I am not going to give you details. Although those years were not terrible and I know there are people going through a lot more, those years were (I see now) the anticipation of what was about to be the final straw, that brought the inevitable divorce.

I fell out of love. I kept appearances for the sake of the kids…Yes, I went on having a second child. First because I always wanted to have two kids and second because I though my daughter should have a sibling.

The last two years were a proper nightmare of mistrust, controlling, tears, two strangers living in the same house. Me centered on the kids, he completely off them.

The happening happened. The happening that I dare not say, or describe. The happening, that people that know happened, tell me they thought it would happen only in films, not in our little town. The happening changed everything. To a point that he was forbidden to contact my kids.

And all of the sudden, my so not perfect life, was upside down. I was by myself, my blood pressure got back to normal, I started feeling sane, sleeping well, feeling happy. But my kids had no father. They still don’t. That parent got completely wiped out of their life’s and the struggle now is how to help them cope with it.

One of my kids is old enough to know what happened, but still she misses her dad. The little one almost doesn’t remember him, was not even two last time she saw him, but talks about dad all the time and just the other day asked me mum, do I have a dad.

I give them love, all the love and more. I give them boundaries, kisses, hugs, discipline, as I always did. But I see a melancholy in them, that something is missing and I think what should I say to them? I never speak ill of their father. I say it as it is. I highlight his qualities, speak about good times and when the little one asks where he is, I simply say he loves her, but he’s working, very far and can’t come and visit.

Pains me so much to have to even acknowledge his existence, let alone have to talk about him, to see their pain.  Many times I feel terrified just thinking he still lives in the same country as us and someday he could just show up.

My kids’ dad. Absent parent.

I just want them to grow up to be balanced people.

I just wanted them to have a perfect, happy family. And I’m going to do everything in my power to make it happen.

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10 thoughts on “The absent Parent

  1. All we can do is take each day at a time and do our best for our kids. I understand the stress it all must have had on you. I’m both Mum and Dad to my oldest daughter, even though her Dad is there and she knows what he wants her to know, but to be honest, although he wants to spend time with her which is good, he does things with her, which is good but the part she doesn’t know is what happened when we split up and the reasons why. She won’t know that until she is fully old enough to understand the effect it all had on her and on me, a new parent left on her own with a baby!
    Your doing a great job!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It doesn’t sound right. Life is not easy eh, but we make it be great. All for the kiddies. And for us. We all deserve to be happy and I’m going to make sure my girls won’t be amiss ☺️ thank you for the kind words ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Hi,
    It is difficult raising children alone. But there are definitely advantages. Try to remember that you do not have a controlling man interfering in your parental decisions.
    I met you on Jacueline’s site. Congratulations on having your link featured there.
    Janice

    Liked by 1 person

  3. It is quite challenging to be a parent these days and I can’t even imagine how difficult it might be to be the only parent. I’m sure you must have gone through a lot that forced you to take this drastic step. God give you more courage and strength to raise your kids and provide them all they deserve!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I can’t even begin to imagine your turmoil over this issue especially with the children’s melancholy. Can’t be an easy situation. May you keep having the grace to keep raising them and give them the balanced life they require even without their father’s presence.

    Liked by 1 person

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